Thursday, April 23, 2015
On my way back from grabbing a cup of coffee I realized I missed a call on my cell phone, then my desk phone. When I listened to the voicemail on my cell it was our caseworker saying I needed to call her back at the office as soon as possible. Everyone asks, "Did you know right away why she was calling?" The answer is no. Thinking she was calling about a baby was the last thing on my mind.
Two days prior we attended a class and listened to families talk about their wait and subsequent placements. It was a great session but I left feeling pretty depressed. Several times during the meeting the couples said they were considered dozens of times by birth mothers throughout the process and I sat there thinking, "Not one mother has even requested our book! For over a year we have waited and no one has shown interest in us!" At the end of the session our caseworker gave us all a few announcements and one of the things she said to everyone was that she would call every waiting family once a quarter just to check in to see how everyone is doing. So hearing her message, with what she said just days before, I figured she just wanted to see how we were doing.
When I called her back our conversation started off like any other. Hi! How are you? Am I calling at a bad time? I just wanted to chat for a moment...
She told me we were on speaker phone with the entire agency staff. (At this point I still didn't think anything weird was going on.) Then she proceeded to tell me:
CW: "Do you remember at our session the other day how I said I would be calling all of the waiting families to check in on how things are going?"
Me: "Yes..."
CW: "Well that's not why I'm calling. I'm happy to let you know that you and Kevin have been matched!"
Me: [stunned/shocked/dead silence] "Ok...?????"
In a matter of seconds my heart started racing and I sat down to furiously write down information about the baby and the birth parents that chose us. We were given basic history about the mother, her health and her due date (three weeks away). Oh and that she was having a girl! (!!!) They warned us to guard our hearts because birth father was on the fence about placing their baby for adoption, but he wanted to honor birth mother's wishes. Our caseworker and the birth mother counselor scheduled a lunch for us all to meet a week later and they told me they'd be in touch if anything changed. Before hanging up our caseworker said, "How awesome is it you got the call in the middle of Infertility Awareness Week?" God's timing was indeed absolutely perfect.
When I called Kevin to give him the news he was just as surprised and shocked as I was and didn't understand what I was telling him. (Bad cell reception didn't help matters either.)
So we waited a week. We wondered what the birth parents looked like. We read and re-read the info sheet we had about them. We prayed every day that the time to meet them would come quickly.
Monday, May 4th, 2015
We made the trip about 45 minutes outside of Nashville to meet everyone. We were to have lunch at Cheddar's (how surreal is that?!) and met with our caseworker and the birth mother counselor before the birth parents arrived. As we waited our caseworker mentioned that they knew we were matched the night of our adoption meeting the week she called but they couldn't say anything. She also mentioned us not wanting to know when families considered us to which we replied, "Actually we did want to know..." We all realized there was a miscommunication and that multiple families over the months had considered our profile but we weren't informed. I think that was God's way of protecting us from heartache. It was really hard thinking no one considered us, but I think it would've been harder for me to know families were considering us but not choosing us.
So we made idle chit-chat while we waited and I was a ball of nerves. Imagine the most intense blind date and job interview all rolled into one. I kept thinking how I would even be able to eat in front of these people, what they would think of me and Kevin when they saw us and what questions they would ask us.
The moment they walked towards our table I felt like all of the puzzle pieces connected into place. We stood to shake their hands and I gave birthmom a present we brought her; a necklace I made with a hummingbird pendant. The hummingbird represents bravery and courage.
We only had a hour to meet and both mom and dad seemed so chill. They said several times, "We saw all we needed to see in your book," and "This is why we chose you..."
We went into our meeting thinking they were on the fence about placing their baby for adoption, but really we had to catch up with them because they thought it was a done deal. It felt surreal to think that they saw us fit to raise their child. I remember every moment of out meeting but I also remember feeling completely dazed, almost like it was a dream or an out of body experience.
We talked about our upbringings, how we met, when we got married, and our hobbies. We talked about our dogs, and got to know about their lives as well. We bonded over our love of animals and music, and we talked about places we could meet up during the summer here in Nashville.
The topic of openness was brought up and immediately I could tell that birthmom was nervous. She started to list what she would like out of the relationship (photos, letters, etc.) and then asked if she could send the baby presents on her birthday and at Christmas. When she mentioned the presents I told her that would be fine but suggested we meet up on her birthday and maybe during the holidays so she could see her in person every year. She looked at me as if to thank me for that gift and with tears in both of our eyes I just nodded.
The counselor brought up the topic of naming the baby and said that birthmom had a name in mind. She went on to explain that there was a name past down for six generations in her family and if we didn't mind, she would love for us to use it.
Athena
Without hesitation I told her I loved the name and said we also liked the name Roslyn. Our caseworker asked if birthmom liked the name Roslyn Athena and she said she loved it.
At the end of our lunch meeting, bithdad called an audible and told the counselor that they had a request and he hoped it would turn out OK since he didn't run it past her in advance. We all looked nervously around at each other until he finally said, "We would like for you to be at the delivery."
My heart stopped. I looked at birthmom and asked if that's what she wanted. (I say ask when I think I whispered the words. I was incapable of speaking at that moment.) She nodded and our caseworker rubbed my back because all of the tears I had been holding in slipped out and I had to take a moment to compose myself.
Everything wrapped up quickly and we went our separate ways. Both the caseworker and counselor thought the meeting went really well and said we probably wouldn't hear anything until she goes in for delivery, which was two weeks away.
We left the restaurant and made a pit stop at a Best Buy next door where I sobbed in the parking lot. It would be a long two weeks.
Friday, May 8th, 6:25 am
Text from caseworker: Pack your bags! Birthmama is in labor!
I screamed for Kevin. I showed him my phone to make sure he was seeing the same words I saw. He had the day off and I was about to leave to go to a conference so we felt completely caught off guard. We were told to hang tight for a little while and then received the all-clear to head to the hospital around 10 am.
Since birthmom went into labor so early, no one from our agency was going to be able to make it to the hospital in time. They told us it would be an emotional risk to show up without them as mediators so we had the option to stay home. When I relayed the information to Kevin he said, "Even if they decide to keep her, I still want to be there for them."
Within minutes of our arrival to the waiting room a girl came into the lobby and we just knew she had to be associated with the birth parents. When she got a good look at us she pointed and yelled, "Are you the adoptive parents?" We lamely nodded our heads, too shell-shocked to speak and she said she would let birthdad know we were here.
We stood when he came into the lobby and he asked if we'd like to come back. We told him we would take their lead and he assured us that birthmom wanted to hang out with us before the baby came.
We hung out for about 45 minutes and chatted about motorcycles, heavy metal, our favorite candies and about their morning since she first went into labor. We laughed when Roslyn kicked the monitor or got the hiccups and Kevin held birthmom's hand when the drugs she was given made her shaky. When the nurse said she was ten centimeters dilated we were asked to step back into the waiting area and were informed that when we heard the lullaby over the loud speakers, that it would be her.
Nervously, we waited and expected to settle in for a long day. Fifteen minutes later we heard the lullaby.
Roslyn Athena was born at 1:03 pm weighing six pounds, 6 ounces and was 20 inches long.
We hugged, cried and sent mass texts to family and friends. She was here. Our daughter.
At least we hoped she would be.
It took a while for birthdad to come out but when he did he showed us a picture of Roslyn on his phone and said birthmom was doing great. We followed him back into her room and as soon as I walked around the privacy curtain I saw her holding our little girl. This was the moment I feared. I knew that if she would change her mind it would probably be the moment she held this baby girl in her arms. Seeing her staring at the baby, cradling her close to her chest, my eyes burned with tears.
When she saw us come in, birthmom smiled at me and said:
"Do you want to hold your baby?"
My body felt numb as she handed me this tiny bundle. Roslyn was perfect. More beautiful than I ever dreamed.
I prayed that I would be able to be at the hospital the day our child was born, but I never expected it to be like this. I was accepting of the fact that we may adopt a child weeks or months old but there was always this longing to be there and meet him or her on their first day. I'm so grateful our birth parents gave us this gift.
The hospital staff didn't seem to know how to handle our little group. They thought we were relatives or long time friends, but when we explained our adoption plan they lit up and commented on how natural we all got along. When the director from the adoption agency came there were moments when I watched him simply observe all of us. He said over and over how beautiful our situation was.
The hospital hooked us up with a room next door to birthmom's and even gave me a handy-dandy "Mommy Band" so I had equal privileges to see baby girl.
We spent the rest of the night with birth parents and then all decided it might be best for us to take her that night so birthmom could rest. We hardly slept, but it was the the most wonderful night of our lives.
Kevin had to work the next afternoon so we spent the morning with Roslyn and carted her to birthmom's room to say our goodbyes. This was it. We left the hospital completely in love with this new little human and absolutely scared that the parents would change their minds and decide to parent.
Sunday, May 10, 2015
For the record, in case anyone cares, I still hate Mother's Day.
Birthmom and I shared texts that morning wishing each other Happy Mother's Day and even birthdad told Kevin to let me know that they loved me. However, that afternoon we each received a panicked phone call from birth parents and the counselor asking us to promise them that we wouldn't cut Roslyn out of their lives. We freaked out and I cried for hours. What I feared would happen actually happened and I was convinced that they wouldn't follow through with their adoption plan.
Every day that week, until birthmom went to court and during revocation I cried, my head was wracked with headaches and we couldn't sleep. We waited for news that birthdad submitted his termination papers and that birthmom scheduled her court appointment.
When we heard news that their day in court was over, but that it was an incredibly stressful and traumatizing day for birthmom, I felt terrible. I wanted to reach out to her and tell her how sorry I was for taking her baby. I couldn't bear her pain and hated this side of adoption. Even though she assured me that this was for the best, a part of me wished she could hang on to Roslyn, even though I knew she had already let her go.
Revocation in Tennessee is three business days so we waited...again...for everything to be official. This final wait would end at 5 pm on Monday, May 18th.
At 5:01pm I sent a text to our caseworker that said: Can you put us out of our misery?
When she called me back at 5:03 she said, "IT'S OFFICIAL! You have a baby girl!"
Tuesday, May 19th, 2015
We brought Roslyn home! We met her Interim Mom and said prayers over baby girl with the staff and quickly (yet safely) brought her home to our house! It was a surreal day.
She was too tiny for our car seat!
It took so many months to get to this point and we still can't believe she's ours. Going forward we hope to maintain our relationship with her birth parents and pray that Roslyn grows up to know that no matter what, during this whole process, from the moment of her conception to the time she was born, that she is loved beyond everything else.
We are so in love with her birth parents. They have given us the greatest gift anyone could give another human being. We have told them over and over that we aren't just adopting Roslyn, we are including them into our family as well.
We are so thankful for the support hundreds of you have shown towards us over the course of the past two years. To each of you who supported us in prayer, contributed to our fundraisers and have sent us countless cards and gifts, we are forever grateful. Thank you for helping us achieve the dream of becoming parents.
This is only the beginning.
Lots of Love,
Brooke
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